Monday, June 21, 2010

Chris Wallace's Resume Leaked!

Griz Owner Michael Heisley resigned General Manager Chris Wallace, and it's no wonder why. Says Heisley, "I feel he's done a decent job." And if wasn't enough, Wallace recently reworked his resume to highlight some of his achievements.


An anonymous source close to the organization sent us Wallace's resume, pasted below, with Wallace's contact information removed. As you can see, Wallace's list of accomplishments is a clear indication that he's the best candidate for the job.

CHRISTOPHER WALLACE
901-xxx-xxxx
xxxxxxxx@grizzlies.com
Germantown, TN


PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

Memphis Grizzlies
General Manager and Vice President of Basketball Operations (2007 - Present)
  • Team record Regular Season: 86-160 (.350) / Playoffs: 0-0 (.000)
  • Average Attendance: 13,000 (cap. 18,119)
  • Traded Pau Gasol (2x NBA Champion, 3x NBA All-Star, 2x All-NBA 3rd Team, Rookie of the Year, FIBA World Championship MVP) for Marc Gasol (NBA All-Rookie 2nd Team) and Cash Considerations.
  • Optimized the Draft process by cutting Scouting Department by 100% and reducing the number of top prospects with in-person workouts
  • Drafted Hasheem Thabeet, Kevin Love (traded), Mike Conley, Donte Green (traded), DeMarre Carroll, Sam Young
  • Traded for OJ Mayo (All-Rookie 1st Team), Zach Randolph (1 Time NBA All-Star), Ronnie Brewer, Marko Jaric, Greg Buckner, Antoine Walker, Darrell Arthur, Chris Mihm, Adonal Foyle, Mike Wilks, 3 suitcases of cash, and a conditional 2nd Round Draft Pick
  • Signed Free Agents Darius Miles, Allen Iverson, Jamaal Tinsley, Darko Milicic, Hamed Haddadi
Boston Celtics
General Manager (2000 - 2007)
  • Team record Regular Season: 267-307 (.465) / Playoffs: 16-21 (.432)
  • Average Attendance: 16,382 (cap. 18,624)
  • Drafted Joe Johnson (Traded), Al Jefferson, Delonte West, Tony Allen, Darius Songalia, Randy Foye, Dahntay Jones (Traded), Gerald Green, Ryan Gomes, Kendrick Brown, Troy Bell (Traded)
  • Traded for Vin Baker, Rodney Rogers, Tony Delk
AWARDS & ACHIEVEMENTS
  • Named to Sports Illustrated's list of Most Influential Members of the College Basketball Media, 1991

5 comments:

jford1983 said...

You have to give Chris Wallace some credit despite all of the criticism that has been directed at him over the years. He's trying to do his job even though he's working for an incompetent owner in Michael Heisley, who is not even a basketball person that knows the sport best.

David Jones said...

All I can give Wallace credit for are the results he produces. 0 playoff wins in 3 years just to highlight 1 (unless you're counting 2 Laker championships).

Although I will give him credit for some amusing banter on the Chris Vernon show. All is not lost.

KGMN said...

Sorry, but can Grizzlies fans here vote on this poll for the 28th pick??

http://www.straightouttavancouver.com/2010/6/21/1527482/2010-nba-mock-draft-28-overall

Sam said...

None of ESPN's experts think we will keep Rudy - what are your thoughts on the eve of free agency?

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?page=FreeAgency-100630

Sam said...

Well, one day later, and Chad Ford says Rudy is about to sign and $80M contract with the griz.