Monday, June 21, 2010

Chris Wallace's Resume Leaked!

Griz Owner Michael Heisley resigned General Manager Chris Wallace, and it's no wonder why. Says Heisley, "I feel he's done a decent job." And if wasn't enough, Wallace recently reworked his resume to highlight some of his achievements.


An anonymous source close to the organization sent us Wallace's resume, pasted below, with Wallace's contact information removed. As you can see, Wallace's list of accomplishments is a clear indication that he's the best candidate for the job.

CHRISTOPHER WALLACE
901-xxx-xxxx
xxxxxxxx@grizzlies.com
Germantown, TN


PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

Memphis Grizzlies
General Manager and Vice President of Basketball Operations (2007 - Present)
  • Team record Regular Season: 86-160 (.350) / Playoffs: 0-0 (.000)
  • Average Attendance: 13,000 (cap. 18,119)
  • Traded Pau Gasol (2x NBA Champion, 3x NBA All-Star, 2x All-NBA 3rd Team, Rookie of the Year, FIBA World Championship MVP) for Marc Gasol (NBA All-Rookie 2nd Team) and Cash Considerations.
  • Optimized the Draft process by cutting Scouting Department by 100% and reducing the number of top prospects with in-person workouts
  • Drafted Hasheem Thabeet, Kevin Love (traded), Mike Conley, Donte Green (traded), DeMarre Carroll, Sam Young
  • Traded for OJ Mayo (All-Rookie 1st Team), Zach Randolph (1 Time NBA All-Star), Ronnie Brewer, Marko Jaric, Greg Buckner, Antoine Walker, Darrell Arthur, Chris Mihm, Adonal Foyle, Mike Wilks, 3 suitcases of cash, and a conditional 2nd Round Draft Pick
  • Signed Free Agents Darius Miles, Allen Iverson, Jamaal Tinsley, Darko Milicic, Hamed Haddadi
Boston Celtics
General Manager (2000 - 2007)
  • Team record Regular Season: 267-307 (.465) / Playoffs: 16-21 (.432)
  • Average Attendance: 16,382 (cap. 18,624)
  • Drafted Joe Johnson (Traded), Al Jefferson, Delonte West, Tony Allen, Darius Songalia, Randy Foye, Dahntay Jones (Traded), Gerald Green, Ryan Gomes, Kendrick Brown, Troy Bell (Traded)
  • Traded for Vin Baker, Rodney Rogers, Tony Delk
AWARDS & ACHIEVEMENTS
  • Named to Sports Illustrated's list of Most Influential Members of the College Basketball Media, 1991

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

This will help me feel better

Friday, June 11, 2010

Why I Cheer Against Pau Gasol

This is the the time of year when it's most difficult to be a Grizzlies fan. It's been over 2 months since the Grizzlies won a game. There's no longer hope that the Grizzlies will miraculously win the Draft Lottery. (Or win the second pick and blow it on a sure fire bust.) And Jeff Van Gundy is reminding the world 3 times weekly why Pau Gasol is the most skilled player in the game.


Call me negative, but every time the elder Gasol excels, my hopes that the Lakers lose grow a little bit.

People often ask me: What's my problem? How does it feel to have so much hate? Isn't it time to move on? By all accounts, Gasol is a nice guy. He's one of the top offensive big men in the NBA. He has a high basketball IQ, a strong work ethic, and is devoted to his teammates. What's there not to like?

Allow me to explain.

1. He plays for the Lakers. Hatred of the Lakers is independent of Gasol - the Lakers are the Yankees of the NBA . They're perennial front runners, who inherently have advantages over most other NBA teams (appealing destination, large TV revenue). That doesn't discount the hard work of the Lakers' players, coaches and front office. You can't be good without hard work, skill, and luck. (Just ask New York.) But it's easy to cheer against frontrunners, especially when they have advantages over their competition.

There are other teams that could be considered front runners. (Boston is one of them, and Cleveland is not.) But none is as much of a front runner as the Lakers, and Pau is a casualty of this.

If Pau played for Cleveland, Miami, Houston, or Denver, it would be more difficult to cheer against him.

Aside: It's worth noting the more subjectively unappealing aspects of the Lakers. The glitter, the Hollywood scene, the bandwagon fans, the perceived effort to ability ratio (except Kobe). Doesn't it seem like the Lakers lose because they didn't try hard enough whereas other teams lose because they're not talented enough?

Of course there's someone parading the streets of LA as a Pau Gasol lookalike.

2. The better Gasol looks, the worse the Grizzlies look.

It's not easy to make the Grizzlies look worse than they already do. We might be approaching a threshold. Until then, Gasol's success keeps pushing the boundary.

Trading a borderline All Star who can't guard Leon Powe during his prime for Kwame Brown is a lot better than trading the second best player for an NBA Champion during his prime. With every additional championship, All Star game, and statistically successful season, Gasol undermines the Grizzlies' credibility a little more.

You don't want to be known for trading a Hall of Famer during his prime. People will start to question your judgement.

3. He's Pau Gasol.

As previously stated, Gasol seems like a good guy, and he's the most offensively dynamic big man in the NBA. There's a lot to like.

But his game is finesse, and he makes those horrid faces. For a 7 footer, his rebounding and help defense are weak, and for such a dynamic scorer, his 4th quarter presence is not great. It just so happens these skills are typically associated with effort. In an unfortunate twist of fate, the Lakers also have the perfect remedies for this: Andrew Bynum (rebounding, help defense) and Kobe (4th quarter).

And that's why it was so difficult to build a successful team around him in Memphis. It's not easy to find a center like Andrew Bynum that fits well next to Gasol. Especially when you draft Drew Gooden and trade for Brian Cardinal. The team needed top notch perimeter defenders (James Posey & Shane Battier) to compensate for poor interior defense, which meant the team couldn't sacrifice perimeter defense for scoring (Rudy Gay). Also, unlike the Lakers management, the Grizzlies management wasn't good or lucky. The funny part was that the Grizzlies management was the Lakers management. Or maybe that wasn't funny.


When you type "pau gasol look" into Google, 2 search queries that come up are: "pau gasol looks like a llama" and "pau gasol looks like an ostrich". I'm just sayin.

4. Then there was Spain. Not the country. But the Basketball team.

Gasol seemingly gave more effort for the Spanish National Team than he did for the Grizzlies. (I believe this was perception and not reality, but it still impacts likability.) Even worse there was the time Gasol broke his foot, contributing to the Grizzlies' transition from playoff team back to lottery regular. Breaking his foot didn't actually contribute to Pau's likability, but privately asking for a trade shortly after his return did.

Pau's success with Spain (and LA) was probably more circumstance than effort or desire, and his request for a trade was a minor blunder in a 6.5 season stretch in Memphis. But the fact remains that the max contract, franchise player demanded a trade after giving 110% to another team. Now, he's in LA, and he reportedly won't be playing for Spain in the summer.

So I hope Marc Gasol will forgive me if I'm not cheering for the Lakers in the Finals. They're an unlikable team, and their success, along with Pau's, makes the Grizzlies look bad.

Beat LA.

Monday, June 07, 2010

The Grizzlies' Strategy is Still the Wrong Strategy

In a recent chat with Chris Vernon, Grizzlies General Manager Chris Wallace explained which deficiencies the team is looking to improve during the offseason:


Wallace said: "We need to strengthen the pitching rotation we have at the point guard position because you need more than one player [at point guard]. Other needs in no particular order are more outside shooting, ... more overall athleticism, ... size, length, and athleticism at the perimeter, ... and a veteran presence."

This isn't the first time that Wallace or Heisley has suggested that the Grizzlies are looking for role players to add to the core starters from last year, and it's still the wrong approach to improving the team.

This is the type of strategy that produces 0 playoff victories in 15 seasons. The Grizzlies don't need a backup point guard and a three point shooter. They need a top 15 player. They need someone with the potential to make an All-NBA team, not someone who can help them win one or two games.

Last year's squad didn't win half the games it played and didn't even make the playoffs. The team was better than previous teams which sparred for the league's worst record, but these players aren't going to spontaneously improve to top 5 in the Western Conference. The Grizzlies earned the 10th seed in part because of their own health and other teams' injuries. (#11 New Orleans and #12 the LA Clippers both had injuries to their stars / potential stars that derailed their seasons.) They may digress if not as healthy next season.

As Jamie Vann Struth explains at OpposingViews.com, the Grizzlies' stats suggest they weren't as good as their record indicated. Their performance was equal to that of a 37 win team, not a 40 win team, so they weren't as close to making the playoffs as it may seem.

Lionel Hollins wants to reap the benefit of developing the young players, and it's true that is has been painful to watch Gasol dominate in the playoffs. It's also true that the Grizzlies are young, but 3 of their 4 best players, Randolph, Gasol, and Gay, are old enough that there is little chance of each developing into more than a borderline All Star. Mayo is young enough that there's an outside chance he could make strides, but I'm not mortgaging the house on the chance that he'll be the best or second best player on an NBA Champion.

Don't get me wrong. I like all four of the Grizzlies' top four, and I'd be happy to have any of them on the team. But the idea that this team is going to take the Grizzlies to relevance is wrong.

The Grizzlies need to be looking for opportunities to acquire a perennial All Star, not a backup point guard.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Core Grizzlies, Part 2

There are 3 types of Hollywood sequels:


1. There's the type of sequel where the cast and crew replicates the original exactly. Think Jaws 2 or Batman Returns. This almost never works. Everybody is usually just going through the motions so they can get paid.

2. There's the type of sequel where you take the original and add one twist to try to keep things interesting. Add water and get Halloween H20. Give Indiana Jones a son and get Indy 4. Add Revenge and get Jaws the Revenge. These work sometimes if the twist is interesting enough, as was the case with Leprechaun in the Hood, but they're almost always worse than the originals.

I'm hoping The Human Centipede sequel, The Full Sequence, is even better than the original. Incidentally, this is the face I make whenever the Grizzlies are about to make their selection during the NBA Draft.

3. Then there's the type of sequel where you build on what happened in the original. These are a continuation. The build upon and advance the story in ways that the original couldn't. The originals set the stage, and the sequel gives the payoff. Batman Begins sets up The Dark Knight. Star Wars sets up The Empire Strikes Back.

The point is that you can't keep the same formula in place an expect different results. Everybody is going to want more money, and the results are likely going to be worse. That's why keeping the core Grizzlies together is a mistake.

Do you really think keeping this core together, along with a new bench player or two, is going to make a difference?

Coach Hollins himself admitted that these guys don't practice: "None of them will be in gym once that two-hour block of practice is over. They’re not going to come early unless you make them, they’re not going to stay late." How are they going to match teams like the Blazers and the Thunder if they aren't dedicated enough to practice?

The Grizzlies might improve marginally if they're lucky, but this group of players won't be much better than this group of players was last season. And I don't want to undermine last season's "success". I liked last year's team better than most Grizzlies squads. They barely lost more than half their games.

But paying Rudy Gay $15 million per year, extending Zach Randolph at $15 million per year, and starting Mike Conley at the point next season would be a mistake.

Instead the Grizzlies should trade for Elton Brand and Evan Turner. Or package our young guys for someone else's young guys. Anything. Just don't bring the same old formula. This team is not good enough to franchise. The original wasn't that good.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

I don't mind losing now.

With the Grizzlies' recent elimination from the playoffs, there's been talk of how great a moral victory it will be to have a winning season. It will help the team build towards next season so it's been said. Sorry if I don't plan a parade down Beale Street.

While I'm busy not planning parades, let me share three reasons why losing these next few games will help with next season more than winning the games.

1. Grizzlies losses can move their draft picks up several positions. When Tuesday's Grizzlies-Rockets game ended with a Grizzlies loss, it also resulted in the two teams swapping their respective draft picks. The Grizzlies moved from 14 to 13 while the Rockets moved from 13 to 14. You should know that the 13th pick is better than the 14th when you're selecting players to help your team in following season. The Grizzlies probably won't overtake the Bulls for the 12 spot (1.5 games separate them), but losing the next 4 games will help.

The Grizzlies have other picks they can impact as well. There's an outside chance the loss to Orlando on Sunday will help move the pick owed to the Grizzlies from the Lakers from 29 to 28. Likewise, 2 losses to the Mavericks in the past week have given Dallas a chance to improve the pick owed to the Grizzlies by the Nuggets.

The big story for teams that actually play in playoffs is that very few games separate 2nd and 8th place. The big story for the Grizzlies is that their Denver pick could swing several positions, the Grizzlies have games against Oklahoma City, San Antonio, and Denver that could impact the swing. The Denver pick could easily jump from 27 to 24: There's less than a game separating those positions. There's even a possibility that the Denver pick could move as low as 21. (Fewer than 3 games separate those positions.) And it's mathematically possible (3.5 games) that the Denver pick will be 19.

If you had trouble following that, let me summarize: The only game I want the Grizzlies to win for the rest of the season is next Monday against Denver.

Sorry if I think draft positioning is more important than moral victories, but the difference in one position can be the difference in swinging a trade or drafting an impact player. Of course, if you're busting at #2 on a consistent basis then #13 ain't gonna help.


A strategy of "tanking games" is usually most effective when coupled with a plan for using the resulting draft picks to improve the team.

2. Do we really think winning meaningless games is going to help with building on the "success" of this season? If anything, it will lead to complacency. I propose a separate theory: the worse the team does, the more inspired it should be to make a bold move to improve. For some reason I keep thinking Heisley will be embarrassed into improving the team. Of course this is the guy who says he's happy with the team, and will probably bring back the same group next year.

Luckily, that means this time next year, I can just republish the above paragraph in a new blog post.

3. Maybe a losing record will bring down the price tag of Rudy Gay. That's the biggest stretch of the three, but a fan blogger can dream, can't he?

At this point, we're looking at 3 or 4 teams that are going to strike out on signing a top free agent this summer. Will one of those teams be desperate enough to give Gay a max contract? I can't say for sure, but I can say that the last time the Grizzlies gave out a max contract it turned into Kwame Brown. And, by the way, Gay isn't as good as Pau Gasol. We're on course for a very difficult situation with the Gay contract, and until then I will latch on to any crackpot idea that helps me sleep at night.

Rudy Gay will be able to afford a new couch next year. Also, if you're searching for images of Rudy Gay on Google, I recommend 'safe search'.

So I stopped watching games religiously a few weeks ago. And I've noticed losing doesn't ruin my night any more. Maybe 9 seasons and no playoff victories is wearing on me. Maybe I know that losing is better, but I can't bare to watch unless I'm 100% behind the team winning. Maybe I'm just ready for this season to be over. It wasn't a success, four games won't change that, and you can't tell me differently.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Memphis Grizzlies vs Golden State

I don't have the heart or the energy to write an extensive recap of the Grizzlies game against the Warriors, so I'll just post this random collection of thoughts, pictures, and videos:

  • It was really great to be sitting on the 6th row, cheering for the Grizzlies, wearing Grizzlies gear, while the team gave up a franchise record 78 points in the first half to one of the 5 worst teams in the league. Thanks guys.
  • I enjoyed the banter from the gentlemen next to me who were eventually escorted out by security when they attempted to enter the Warriors locker room in the 4th. By the 3rd quarter, I was feeding them ammunition for their jeers like "Graceland is in Memphis." That led to: "Hey Gay, Why don't you go to Graceland?"
  • Next time the Grizzlies decide to draft a shot blocking specialist, they should check to see if he can jump more than once in succession.
FYI, in case the Warriors call you about season tickets, you can get Row 6 seats for $50 each on Craigslist. I talked Craig down from $60. Warning: It's embarrassing to pay $50 for tickets and cheer for the other team, when the Warriors destroy them.


The Warriors in full tank-a-polooza mode started Anthony Tolliver and Chris Hunter. Guess which one they drafted #2 overall.



Rudy Gay can shoot free throws, but he didn't seem too bothered by the massacre on the court. Maybe he's just used to it?



In an attempt to turn things around for the Grizz, I gave my lucky hat to Evan. It didn't work.